If you want an honest description of having two under two, buckle your seatbelts because you are in for a bumpy ride.
Let me start with the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Thanks to breastfeeding, my period hadn’t returned after pregnancy. But being the anxious person I am, I took a pregnancy test every month for some peace of mind. When I saw those two pink lines, and it hit me that I would be a mom of two under two, I immediately burst into tears. I woke my son up from his nap and held him while I sobbed for what seemed like hours.
I have no shame in admitting that we did not plan to have another baby so soon. I was only six months postpartum, and motherhood had me feeling defeated. On top of that, I was still experiencing crazy emotions from postpartum hormones. Having another baby at that moment felt like the end of the world.
The monster we are all so familiar with appeared right away. The mom guilt I felt was overwhelming.
I felt guilty that I was not excited.
I felt guilty that I would be incapable of loving another person as much as I loved my son.
I felt guilty that my plan to breastfeed for a year was ruined.
But most of all, I felt guilty for robbing my son of having all my attention for the time he deserved.
I won’t sugarcoat things and tell you that having two under two has been easy.
The experience was difficult from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Chasing around a one-year-old and dealing with meltdowns and tantrums while pregnant was completely different from the carefree days of my previous pregnancy where I spent nine months lying in bed and binging Netflix.
I have experienced moments of sadness, frustration, and loneliness that often felt unbearable. But at the same time, I have never felt so much love and happiness.
I won’t be cliche and say that time flies and kids grow up fast. Trust me. I heard that a lot when I was in the trenches of having two under two. And it wasn’t helpful or reassuring. What I can tell you is that my heart grew double in size when my daughter was born. I immediately felt love for both of my kids that I didn’t think was possible.
Eventually, the hard days were replaced with easier ones and all the things I felt guilty for fell into place. My daughter started to sleep through the night. And a regular nap schedule allowed me to spend quality time with my son. The hostility my son once had towards his sister was replaced with adoration. Seeing their friendship and bond develop is what keeps me going….that and my morning cup of extra strong coffee.
